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Do intrusive thoughts pop up about you cheating on your partner — or them cheating on you — even though you know you would never cheat?
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Do you feel an endless urge to “figure it all out,” as if clarity is just one more thought away?
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Find yourself comparing to your partner’s ex, wondering if you’ll ever measure up?
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Do you keep asking, “Is this really the right relationship?” — even when everything seems fine?
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Do you doubt your own feelings and check over and over if you love your partner enough?
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Ever feel like your partner has “too much power” over your emotions?
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Does your chest ache from the constant anxiety?
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Do you feel like you’re losing yourself in all this questioning?
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Are you scared you might like someone else — even if you don’t actually want to?
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Do you feel crushing guilt and shame for having these thoughts, like you’re secretly a “bad partner”?
Do these feelings make you depressed and miserable?
If this feels familiar, you may not be broken — you might be struggling with Relationship OCD (ROCD) or relationship anxiety.
You’re not alone, and what you’re feeling is more common than you think.
WHAT IS ROCD?
ROCD is a subtype of OCD where obsessions focus on intimate relationships — either on your feelings toward your partner, your partner’s feelings toward you, or the “rightness” of the relationship. Unlike typical doubts or conflicts, ROCD thoughts are intrusive, unwanted, and distressing, causing intense anxiety rather than clarity.
COMPULSIONS IN ROCD:
Compulsions are the mental or behavioral actions done to reduce anxiety from the obsessions. They feel like temporary fixes but keep the cycle going. Examples:
Reassurance seeking: asking friends or partner, “Do you think we’re good together?”
Checking feelings: repeatedly testing whether you feel “in love” at every moment.
Comparing: measuring your relationship against others or against an imagined “ideal.”
Reviewing and analyzing: mentally replaying past interactions to check if they “felt right.”
RUMINATION IN ROCD:
Rumination is a mental compulsion where you get stuck thinking about thinking — going over the same doubt endlessly, trying to find certainty.
It feels like you’re “problem-solving,” but it’s actually a trap.
Example: “Why don’t I feel butterflies right now? Does that mean I don’t love them? But yesterday I felt love… wait, was that real love?”
This can consume hours and leave you exhausted, yet still uncertain.
AVOIDANCE IN ROCD:
Rumination is a mental compulsion where you get stuck thinking about thinking — going over the same doubt endlessly, trying to find certainty.
It feels like you’re “problem-solving,” but it’s actually a trap.
Example: “Why don’t I feel butterflies right now? Does that mean I don’t love them? But yesterday I felt love… wait, was that real love?”
This can consume hours and leave you exhausted, yet still uncertain.
WHY ROCD IS LONELY AND PAINFUL?
ROCD can feel uniquely isolating because:
It attacks what you value most. Your relationship — something that should feel safe — becomes a source of anxiety.
It creates guilt and shame. You may feel like a “bad partner” for doubting someone you love.
People don’t understand. Friends might say “just break up if you’re unsure” or “you’re overthinking,” which dismisses the real OCD struggle.
You feel disconnected. Because so much mental energy goes to analyzing rather than living, you may feel distant from your partner and even from yourself.
Many describe ROCD as mentally exhausting, emotionally hollowing, and lonely — you’re fighting silent battles inside your own head while trying to act “normal” in the relationship.